I had over half a million bucks in the off shore account which was fine. The problem was really that we had over a hundred grand of dirty money on hand. That money really worried me. When I thought about it giving Lucy 50k of the dirty money would not be a problem. That seemed like a fair settlement for her three years working with me. If she wanted more it might be a problem, but unless Amos pushed her, I doubted she would ask for more. The truth was I would love to have her back as the manager of the farm.Farm manager had always been her real function. Sure we were lovers and that was good, but it had always been secondary to the farm’s operations. If the truth be known, I would be glad to take the rest of the business, and give her a lease on the pot farm. Make Lucy and Ruth tenant farmers. Hell I would even cut down on the output of the farm, if that was what it took.I sure as hell didn’t need so much money. Hell, almost all my time was spent trying to figure out ways to clean it.. Hewould tell me that my approach to being bullied should be to "Punch himon the nose." Fine advice I am sure, but when you are not strong enoughand don't measure up, it's not advice you can act on. I remember mybullies would call me a "sissy" and a "faggot" and say that I was gay.I wasn't but I was not strong enough to fight them and would cry, asthey would say "like a girl", which only confirmed to them the namesthey were calling me.As a result of being bullied so much both by my father and by myclassmates I had a very lonely childhood and only a few friends. Mumlater told me I was very clingy and eager to please such friends as Ihad because I feared being left alone. I was not really aware that Iwas doing this but as a consequence of this I would be something of a"people pleaser" which meant I would rarely say no to anything becauseof my fear of being left alone.As I grew up I came to hear of a book called "The female Eunuch" and ofthe problem of patriarchy and patriarchal.
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